Musings of A Middle-Aged Man

I almost always find myself becoming introspective around my birthday every year. I'm not melancholic at all nor one normally prone to philosophical mental meanderings, but at least once a year I find myself reflecting on the core issues of life and asking myself if my lifestyle is an authentic and honest expression of those things I value most.

Maybe it's just my personality, but I want to live with intentionality. I don't want to just do the next thing that comes, then the next thing and then the next, until one day I lie down and die. I'm not an old man, but I'm certainly not a young man any more either. If I live to the age my Dad did, I have 20 more years here. I want them to count. I'm hardly old enough to be a wise old sage. I have no doubt that I still have a lot to learn, but there are a few things that have become clear to me with the passing years.

1. We never move past problems in life.
I used to think that the day would come that life would settle down and there wouldn't be so many troubles in life. Back then, it was the pressures of rearing young children, trying to figure out how to pay the bills, dealing with worn out cars, broken refrigerators, washer and dryer, etc. I thought that once my kids grew up and I came to a place where I earned an income sufficient to pay the bills, life would be great. Little did I know that in life, it's the case that as one set of challenges fade away, others rise on the horizon. If we're looking for calm circumstances in order to find peace of mind, we're in for a big disappointment in life because for most people it just isn't going to happen. "Man is born for trouble like sparks fly upward," Job said.

I've had people more than once suggest that Melanie and I live "an exotic lifestyle." I understand why they'd say that. What they're referring to is the travel we've done all over the world, the books, regular appearances on TV, radio, etc. etc. etc. I'm as amazed as anybody could be by the things our Father has allowed us to experience. If I died today, I feel like I've lived a more full life than many people live in a hundred years. I'm thankful for that.

But surface appearances aren't always the whole story. Like everybody else, we have had and still have our share of heavy burdens. Even as I write this blog, I am facing several circumstances that are absolutely terrifying - life threatening or life altering situations with people I love. The kind of things that make you lie awake at night and pray.

So, one thing I see clearly is that there will always be troubles in life, but the next clear reality is what sustains me.

2. Our Father is faithful.
A long time ago I settled on the reality that our God can be trusted. That certainty is big in my life. There have been times I would have despaired completely had it not been for that knowledge. Standing in the darkness is not a good time to formulate your theology. You need to do that in the light. That way, when the darkness comes we can hold onto what we know despite the fact that everything around us is screaming messages to the contrary.

God is good. Do you really believe that? Once we settle on that fact, everything else becomes manageable. That doesn't mean it will never hurt, but no matter how hard a situation may be, it's manageable if we can cling to His goodness.

3. It's all about Love.
For a long time, I thought life was all about right and wrong. "Do right and teach others to do right." That was my aim. It was the template through which I reared my children, through which I taught my congregation, through which I evaluated myself and others. But I was wrong - seriously wrong. To live that way is to live from "the tree of the knowledge of good and evil."

Life isn't about right behavior. Life is about loving relationships. We came into being out of a loving relationship among the members of the Trinity and we exist for loving relationships with Him and with each other.

By God's grace, I'm done with judging people. I've learned I can't even change me, let alone somebody else. I want to just love people, no matter who they are, how they live, what they believe or anything else that used to separate me from others created and loved by our Father. Their behavior isn't my business. That's up to God. Loving them is my business.

Jesus came to show us the Father's love. If He thought it worthy to spend His life doing that very thing, then I assume there's no higher use of my life than to do the same. I still find myself looking at people through the condescending eyes of judgment sometimes, but I'm asking my Father to free me from that and I'm seeing progress.

I want to love my family with agape love. I want to love my friends that way. I want to love strangers that way. I even want to love those who see me as the enemy that way. It's a God-sized goal and only He can make it happen in me, but I'm trusting that He will do that very thing.

4. I want to be real.
By that, I mean that I want to live in a way that people see the real me. It's very easy for people in public ministry to take on the persona that other people unconsciously put on them. It's not uncommon for authors, pastors, or anybody who is watched by the public eye to project an "artificial" image of themselves. I don't want to do that. I've had people accuse me of doing that a few times and it hurt deeply to think that there might be truth in their criticism. (It isn't necessary for you to respond by reassuring me that it isn't true :) Many have also told me just the opposite of that criticism.)

I want to live in a way that people know that this grace walk isn't just for those who "have their ducks in a row." Sometimes I can't even find my ducks. The other extreme from those who appear to be artificial are those who seem to have no filter. I see some people in ministry these days who look like "emotional exhibitionists." They seem to think there's value in putting themselves down, speaking of themselves in an almost contemptuous way. I don't think that's right either. After all, we are "His workmanship created in Christ Jesus." I can't imagine that our Father appreciates it when we talk about ourselves like we're a piece of trash.

That's it. One man's thoughts on life as he looks inwardly. What have you learned? How do you want to live your life? What are the core values you want to express in the days you have left? Call me sappy, but I think these are questions we would all do well to consider.

How about those of you in your seventies and older? What are the things you've learned that weren't so clear early in life? The rest of us would like to hear your thoughts in the comments section either here on the blog or the comments section in the link to this blog on FaceBook.