Saturday, March 10, 2012
A Parody of Legalism
(Here's one I put online four years ago and got into trouble for, mostly from my wife, who simultaneously admires me and questions my sanity at times.)
I make no claims to being on course toward a lifetime achievement award for political correctness or even necessarily for knowing when to tell something and when to keep it to myself, but something happened yesterday with my two grandsons that illustrates a point that just has to be made. Plus, it's just plain funny - at least to a biased granddaddy who has been accused more than once of talking when it would have been a better idea just to shut up. If you're one who thinks it is uncouth or even vulgar to tell such a story, I offer you my apology in advance. Pray for me. Sometimes even I question if I have good sense.
My grandsons, Jonathan and Jeremy, were here with us while their mother went to the vet to pick up their dog, Aslan. Actually, Aslan is more like a horse. He's a Labradoodle - apparently a cross between a Labrador Retriever and a Poodle. (You read it right.) This breed of dog is extremely friendly but is very large, not always a good combination with children in the house whose height is approximately the same as the dog. It's his friendliness that presented the problem at hand this week.
Making conversation with my grandsons and thinking the dog went for shots of some kind, I asked, "Why did Mommy have to take Aslan to the vet?" Without hesitation, seven year old Jeremy answered, "Because he is acting crazy so he had to get his manhood cut off." Eight year old Jonathan began to howl with laughter and screamed, "That IS crazy!"
"You boys had better be careful not to ever act crazy around your mother!" I heard laughingly coming out of my own mouth as if I had some sort of grandfatherly Tourette's Syndrome. Thankfully, the statement fell flat on their seven and eight year old ears. Unfortunately, the same wasn't true with Melanie who yelled my name from the kitchen in a way that, after 35 years, I've come to recognize means that my own life may be in peril.
Poor Aslan. I thought from the beginning that a Shetland Pony would have made a better pet if my daughter and son-in-law were bound and determined to buy a gargantuan pet for their kids. But I'm not sure he deserved to be made a lifelong eunuch. Surely there must have been some way to teach him to behave without going to that extreme.
The application? My daughter was the legalist in this story and the veterinarian was the exacting hand of stern religion. Aslan is anybody in the world of dead religion who has the gall to live unashamedly, acting like who we are without inhibition. Live free and there are always those out there who'll try to make a eunuch out of you. Avoid these people at all costs. Veterinarian Community Church may look like a pretty place from the outside, but if you're not careful they'll take away your spiritual manhood and leave you singing soprano in the church choir.