Confronting Other People's Sins

A message about this week's Sunday Preaching sent to me on FaceBook:


When I talk to others about this story of the Father's love, they often bring up where Paul excommunicated a gentleman because of his sin and that is what we must do when we see it. Yes he did it to give an opportunity for the man to turn from it, and we can do nothing less than Paul did. This is what they say. Also, they give the verses from knowing a good tree by its fruit vs bad tree and that is the way they judge if others are saved are not. I see many problems with this, but wanted to know how you would respond. Liz

Liz,

Okay, the Apostle Paul and sins: First, Paul always laid a VERY strong foundation with the churches about their identity before he ever talked about their behavior. Sadly, that is the missing component in the modern church world. We want to tell people how to act without having told them the basis for developing the right actions. We focus on stopping bad behavior, but unless we teach people their identity in Christ, by what power can they see their behavior be changed? When pastors/churches don't understand identity, they give the people more rules/principles/methods, etc - in other words, another flesh plan.

I do believe that confrontation can be an expression of love and believe in confronting when appropriate. Here are a few questions that come to mind though for those who are "trigger happy" about dealing with other people's sins:

1. Why do you want to confront this person's behavior? Is it REALLY because you love them and don't want to see them be hurt by their wrong choices? Or is it because of your own heightened sense of right and wrong and a need to make people "do right?"

2. Are you going to talk to them about their behavior in terms of right and wrong or in a way that you will lovingly help them see that their bad behavior is really just a misguided way that they are trying to get perceived needs met apart from Christ? (That's what all fleshly actions are.) In other words, what's your goal here - to cause them to change how they act or to help them see Jesus as the answer and to come to the place where they trust Him as their life source?

3. When you confront them, what will your demeanor and attitude be? Will you shed tears of compassion so they KNOW that it is love that motivates you? Or will the confrontation have more of a judicial, courtroom feel to it? Note that is is possible to be strong and yet still clearly communicate love in a way that the offender sees the love you have and knows it is real.

4. What sins are you planning to confront? "By their fruit you shall know them," many like to point out. Well, what fruit are you looking for in a person's life? Which rotten fruit deserves to be confronted? Adultery? Oh yeah. Drug abuse? For sure. There are many about which none would argue over their seriousness.

But how about gossip? Will you confront every gossip in the church? (As a pastor, I saw much more damage done in the church by gossips than by adulterers or drug addicts.) What about pride? I see that in churches all the time. Are you going to confront that? What about selfish ambitions? Paul lists that in Galatians 5 in the same sentence with idolatry, witchcraft, fits or rage, drunkenness, orgies, etc. So are you going to deal with those in the church who try to build a following around themselves and become a big shot in the church? Are you going after only the "big sins" that everybody around you will agree with you about, or are you also going to confront the ones that aren't politically correct (in the church world) to address? After all, fair is fair. If you're going to deal with the open car wrecks in the church, you need to deal with the hidden cancers too. Both will kill the church.

5. What gives you the right to confront this person? Have you developed the kind of loving relationship with them that entitles you to become an extension and spokesman for the Holy Spirit? While it falls within the bounds of the church to lovingly confront behavior at times, it isn't a given that we have the right to become "behavior police" in people's lives at every moment. Will not the Holy Spirit lead and chasten them as necessary? Certainly there will be times He uses us, but are we "trigger happy" about confronting people when we really haven't earned that right by loving them beforehand?

6. What sins are in your own life? Do you see your own fleshly inclinations and areas where you too need to be changed? None of us are perfect, are we? Do you easily see the sins in other people's lives and stand ready to confront those while either being blind to your own sins or else excusing them, minimizing them or ignoring them? Why shouldn't somebody confront you about the things in your own life that need to change? Do you need that? Would you be grateful if they did?

Here's the bottom line: Yes, there are times to confront AS THE LORD LEADS, but it needs to always be done as an expression of love and not as some sort of godzi who takes a condescending, judgmental attitude toward somebody whose sin doesn't happen to be the same as ours.

Much of the time, when "church discipline" is done, it is carried out in a penal environment and there isn't even the slightest whiff of grace in the air. That's sad. When confrontation is, to quote David Augsberger "carefrontation," it will work. Otherwise, it will cause the offender to become filled with self condemnation and bog down even deeper into sin while at the same time shunning the people he feels are judging him.

Check out this video somebody just sent me. You may think these occasions are rare, but I tell you with first hand knowledge, they are not.


I hope this helps answer your question,
Steve McVey